


the way it felt

by hanxluke (merrylarry)



Category: Zero Day (2003)
Genre: Knife Play, M/M, Self Harm, sorta - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-08
Updated: 2020-01-08
Packaged: 2021-02-27 13:08:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,283
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22167628
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/merrylarry/pseuds/hanxluke
Summary: andre likes to cut himself and maybe cal likes to watch
Relationships: Andre Kriegman/Calvin Gabriel
Kudos: 17





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> no one asked for this, but ye shall receive
> 
> my tumblr is thegayestandre unless they deleted me again lmao

“Fuck,” Andre cursed as he slowly dragged the knife over his stomach. He watched as blood started to rush to the surface but form small droplets instead of spilling onto his pale skin. He gritted his teeth and bit his lip. He loved the way it felt when he’d do this - let himself let loose on himself. He looked forward to it the most on the weekdays that seemed to drag on forever. These Saturday nights were his favorite. 

But tonight was prom. Of course, he hadn’t planned on going, but it felt weird to do it knowing that Calvin was out there somewhere hanging out with kids Andre knew he didn’t give a fuck about. It wasn’t jealousy he was feeling; it was something different entirely. It was a fiery sort of anger. He loved the way it made him feel as he watched a beam of light reflected off the blade of his knife. 

He was about to begin yet another slit, but his door swung open and he scrambled for the t-shirt he had discarded beside him on the bed. “What the fuck?” He yelled.

Calvin stood in the doorway, the light from the hallway created a frame of light around his figure. “I didn’t mean to scare you. Sorry.” Andre leaned back on his extended arm as he awkwardly held the shirt over the fresh cuts. 

“Why the hell are you here? I thought you were with Rachel,” he groaned.

“I asked them to drop me off here for a second,” he chuckled stiffly, “I guess I didn’t really make this much of a plan.”

“You could’ve fucking called. Phones do exist.”

Calvin looked him up and down in the low light. “What were you doing when I came in here?” Andre’s face went red as he watched Calvin begin to smirk. “No wonder you didn’t want to come. You were too busy coming somewhere else.”

“Jesus Christ, that’s not what was happening,” Andre explained.

“Oh yeah? Then what are you hiding behind the shirt you clearly aren't wearing?” Calvin teased. 

Andre had a choice to make in this moment. Either he came clean and showed Calvin what he was really doing, or he lied. He thought back to their plan. It was only days away - what the fuck was he going to do to get out of this situation?

He pulled the knife slowly out from under the shirt and offered it out to Calvin. The blonde furrowed his brow at the offer but grasped the knife in his hand. “What the fuck were you doing with this?”

Andre rolled his eyes and pulled away the shirt entirely. His cuts stung in the open air now that the blood had congealed into clots. He watched as Calvin raked his eyes over his abdomen and began to chew on his lower lip. “Shit. Uh, give me a second. I need to go tell them to head out without me,” Calvin rushed out of the room before he could finish the sentence. 

Andre let his head fall back and he cursed yet again under his breath. He grabbed for the gauze he kept next to him when he did this and let it begin to soak up the blood. He hoped if he cleaned it up adequately before Calvin came back they wouldn’t have to longer on it much longer. 

Andre winced as he applied pressure to the cuts for a moment. He was used to being home alone when he did this, but the company wasn’t the problem - it was the fact that Calvin now knew that Andre liked to cut himself. He was well and truly fucked.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Is this good? Debatable.

Andre could hear Calvin running up the stairs and he sighed. This wasn’t exactly how he saw his night going. Calvin had taken the knife when he had left, so he must have shoved it into a pocket before he confronted whatever fuckheads he’d been with in the limousine. Andre still couldn’t believe Calvin had wanted him to come along too. Disgusting. 

The steps slowed as they approached the doorway again. Calvin stood almost silent, the only noise in the room their breaths. “What did you tell them?” Andre asked to ease the tension. 

“That you were naked and that I was,” he coughed, “coming back up here.”

Andre groaned, “great, so now they think we’re gay for each other or some shit.”

Calvin rubbed at the back of his neck and shrugged. “I froze up,” he explained. Andre watched as his eyes trailed down to the now bloody gauze that sat on top of the once exposed wounds. “Are they bad?” Calvin took a few steps into the room and paused when he got to the edge of the bed. 

“Not really. These ones just bleed a lot.”

Calvin paused, “there’s other ones?”

Andre met his eyes. “Yeah.”

The room fell into an uncomfortable silence but neither boy had the courage to break it. Andre could feel Calvin’s eyes digging into his skin just like the knife had been only moments prior. It was a strange feeling. 

“Now that you’re here, what was the rest of your plan?” Andre asked with a new-found sense of confidence. 

Calvin broke their eye contact and backed up until the back of his legs hit Andre’s dresser that sat opposite the bed. “I want to watch you do it.” The pauses between the words made his voice seem weaker than he had intended.

“You want to watch me cut myself?” Andre clarified.

“Yeah.”

Andre scoffed at the idea, “sure, whatever floats your boat.” He relaxed a bit more onto the bed and removed the now red gauze. He tossed it to the side to deal with later. “Give me the knife, then.”

Calvin silently pulled it from a pocket hidden on the inside of his jacket and handed it back to him. Andre felt a sudden sense of being exposed. He knew it was only Cal, but something made it feel different. He felt like he was the prey being watched by a hungry predator. 

Andre sized up the two cuts that were already bleeding from earlier and decided to make another below the second one that lay only a few inches above his belly button. He moved the tip of the knife so that it was in line with the previous cuts and applied pressure until he could feel the skin break as he started to drag it across the length of his skin. 

As he moved it to the end of his previous lines, he applied an extra bit of pressure until he pulled away quickly. “Shit,” he cursed. He watched as the white layer of tissue that he had cut to filled with droplets of blood. 

Opposite him, Calvin stripped off his tux jacket and vest and rolled up the too long sleeves of the button up shirt underneath. 

"What, is it getting too hot in here for you?" Andre joked.

Calvin didn't speak, instead, he nodded his head for Andre to continue. Andre moved the blade back to the beginning of the same cut and lazily traced the line again. He could feel the layers of his skin separating and moaned softly under his breath, but of course Cal could hear him.

"You really do get off to this, don't you?" 

Andre paused his cutting and looked up at the blonde. "You're the one watching me get off to this." And Andre was right, because of course he was.

The situation had turned messy the moment Calvin walked inside the house, but it was too late to go. Too late to do anything about it. 

"You're not exactly stopping me."


End file.
